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In day treatment today, I talked about my 2nd (or so) worst abuse that I endured from my mother (I alluded to it in a post a few days ago. Something very deep, shameful, partially fact-based in a way that is still relevant today but in relation to others, not her, hence extremely difficult. I've felt a need to be verbally abused in the way that I was by my mother. I did it a night ago (Tues). via phone-sex for the first time relating to this issue. Not a "sex" issue per se; not sexual behavior. A verbal abuse thing.
So in day treatment group, I talked about it during process group. About the abuse by my mom, ways it's affected me, triggers, and the urge to self-harm by seeking abuse. No one said anything other than 1 guy--"It sounds like you know where it's all coming from." Well, yeah; duh.
No sympathy, empathy, no offering consideration for the abuse I suffered --and it was a major deal, no offering soothing, supportiveness; just blank, quiet. The T gave me a 5 minute warning, at which point I thought people would jump in, but no one did.
My T heavily encouraged me to open up about it to group. I've only talked about it to T's and via phone-sex. No regular people. So I finally did it, and zip. Guess I won't go into the part that is sexual abuse with them.
They are so lame. I don't even want to go back. I think they're useless to me. To listen to stuff that I said I hadn't talked about before and do nothing?
Why bother with them?
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out of my mind, left behind
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