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we try to put balanced words on here. we like to encourage others and know it gets hard for people around us when we get too dark or too deep into our past. nothing wrong with that.
right now our T gets all excited when we cry, have anger and get all emo. any time we break our programming she is pleased and mostly we are too.
it is just that the pain and sadness in my mind is scarily intense right now and it feels like the most permanent reality of my life. pain, fear, aloneness and misery are what i know best. for so long life has been about surviving that i no longer remember fun, freedom, creativity. it feels like this is all there is for me in life.
shoot, i feel so stupid trying to express myself. nobody wants to know what i went through, i'm sick of it, my husband doesn't believe me and my daughters do but i am their mom and will not ask them to carry my load. i hate my own life. words just don't get there. they do not ever express the way i really feel. forgive my crudity, but i wish i could just throw up my past like a bad stomach bug. i am worried that i will never be ok, well, whole. i am so tired of me.
lost in the maze
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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