Quote:
Originally Posted by multipixie9
shoot, i feel so stupid trying to express myself. nobody wants to know what i went through, i'm sick of it, my husband doesn't believe me and my daughters do but i am their mom and will not ask them to carry my load. i hate my own life. words just don't get there. they do not ever express the way i really feel. forgive my crudity, but i wish i could just throw up my past like a bad stomach bug. i am worried that i will never be ok, well, whole. i am so tired of me.
lost in the maze
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It is not stupid to try and express yourself. That is something I wish I could do but all I am good at is being negative about myself. I feel that I am not worth having feelings. For so long I was called names for crying and punished for showing feelings. Now when it comes to dealing with my parents and brother it is all about the act. Act as if they care. Act as if the past never happened. Just act as if. It hard. But if I show emotions then they just want to know what is wrong. So I keep things bottled up. Perhaps some day that will change.
I know what you mean about wanting to throw up the past like a bad stomach bug. There are times I feel that way too. Right now I am just trying to live in the present. There is plenty there to keep me busy. dont have time to dwell on the past.
Diana
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Life is like a box of chocolates and I always get stuck with the nuts.
