seems like bad people are everywhere. sure, there are good people, some good people, but they seem so outnumbered. hard to stay away from a majority. i stay away from people and i get lonely. i associate with people and i get hurt. i've bled enough.
they're in the past, but bad people are never only in the past, they live in the present and they invite themselves into the future. can't escape it. never can. they can run and i can crawl.

i told my therapist "help me" today and he told me he wasn't sure how to help because i beat around the bush and skirt around everything and i won't tell him what's really up. then i needed helped so i called his phone number which he gave me- haha, go figure the only time i call my therapist he's not there.

wind-up toy that's been wound up too many times for the amusement of others and now the wind-up key is broken and broken toys go into the rubbish bin. no help for the broken really. some things can't be fixed, i think i'm one of those things. the only people who notice and use broken toys are the scummy people who'll just keep going until there's nothing left.

i hate this world. i have no place in the world. i can vanish and people say they'll notice but they'll forget me within a week or two. no one will follow up or check on me. who checks on something of no value to them? of what value is something deformed and broken? of what value is something unhelpful and worthless?

can i say that? can i say i hate this species and this world?

or HELP ME because i am dying here today in silence but then again, what help is there for the broken.