T cannot force you into the hospital unless you are going to hurt another person, or in immediate danger of hurting yourself. It is actually rather difficult to involuntarily commit someone. So try not to worry too much about that.

If you think the T is not helping you, maybe you should find another T. It doesn't seem like you are getting what you need. Something I have learned is that the T sometimes needs to be directly told what is needed by the client. My T actually makes sure I ask for what I need directly. She wants me to learn it is okay to ask for what I need, and I won't get attacked for asking.

I dissociate in therapy when I am getting really close to the big stuff that my mind would rather keep hidden away. My T doesn't clap her hands like I am a dog to get me back though...she actually is kind and compassionate about it. Dissociating doesn't mean you are too weak...it means you are reaching the stuff that needs to get dealt with over time.

It sounds like you have lived through a LOT of crap lately. Do you need a hug?