Hi Nightdream,

Thanks so much for thinking of me-- you're so kind.

Yes, I'm fighting it for sure-- that tape is ever repeating, saying " you shouldn't post- your opinions are dumb- OR - certainly don't start a thread, you know your thinking that no one cares, will just be realized once again"-- Oh, how I hate these tapes!! I am ignoring them somewhat-- trying to anyway.

But I slipped back yesterday and let the tapes keep me from starting a thread- I even wrote to an administrator and was given the go ahead to post it..... but, alas..... I failed I couldn't ignore the fear of being thought of in a negative way.

Sometimes I just want to disappear from this earth as the inner-struggle seems insurmountable and I fear most people don't understand. Being understood is so important to me--- wonder if it should be?? The thing is I'm not so good at voicing how I feel and what's going on in my life -- so of course people aren't going to understand- how can they, if they don't know--- but yet fearing if I do voice things then I'll either paint an inaccurate picture as I'm not used to voicing -( I've been told I minimize things), or- I'll be invalidated for feeling the way I do. ( which I KNOW wouldn't happen here-- just can't convince my heart that it won't)

Anyway, thanks so much Nightdream- once again-you made my day a bit brighter- I'm glad you came back and are posting. I hope you are doing good today my friend!!

Mandy