Fool Zero, I'm not ignoring you. I'm not ignoring anyone that has taken the time to help me out with this issue that I have stuck in my head.

Your first post was harsh and you implied things that were not true. For example you said that if my ex were clever he would have left me much earlier and you said that he's not with me now because he wasn't enjoying his time with me. The truth is that this guy DID have all the fun he needed because at the time he was simply using me. I was just a fun toy for the time he needed it.

I must say though...the tone that you are using in your posts really reminds me of how he used to talk to me. All too often he enjoyed being cruel to me. All the things he said...how stupid and blind I was! I can't believe I stood there and took it.

Gosh, I am so desperate to find a way to forget how stupid I was to spend so much time with him. I so want to forget and I simply can't. I am desperate. I am looking for a memory wipe-out. Can't stand it anymore. I used to be a healthy, normal person. I never thought I'd be reduced to this. I've done EVERYTHING to help me get over this: new hobbies, new friends.....heck....I've even moved to a different country!

My original question was "Do they know that they've crushed you?". They KNOW what they did to you....so.....when they "move on" and live out their happy days....do they ever think of you? Are they ever worried that you might not be doing ok because of what they did to you?
Deep inside me I know the answer to this: You are no longer in their thoughts. Besides, who likes to remember their wrongdoings?! All people try to forget the bad things they've done. Sometimes memories creep in....but only sometimes.

The guy that I was involved in was not good for me. He wasn't thoughtful of me then, why should he think of me now? I was so tricked and manipulated. Don't know if I'm angry at him or myself for being so naive. I'm still broken after all this time and as I see it I've proven incapable to mend myself!
I frequently visit this site because I have nowhere else to talk to. My family is really far away. Sure I'm surrounded with friends but inside me I feel horribly alone and crushed. I am aware that I am the one doing this to myself, just as one post said. I'm trying to fix this.