Update

T called me this morning and left the best and most perfect message. He was so glad I had identified what triggered me (that really wasn't that tricky lol) and he said I did such a good job of calling him back and explaining and asking for a different message instead, and that he appreciated that I did it. And then he said everything I needed, and a lot more, and it was just really nice.

It feels so good to be allowed to identify what is upsetting me, be honest about it, ask to have my needs met, and have that be answered with love and caring. When I started therapy, I never ever ever would have DREAMED that I could have done that. And if I did ask for what I need, I would have totally expected to be in trouble, or for T to hate me, or roll his eyes, or something. Instead, it feels like one of those moments that made our relationship a bit stronger, and I feel totally filled up and cared for.

And....I got into this in between place when I was triggered, with me and teen kind of both present...and I was able to draw on the BRAVE part of her (*I* am SO not a brave person) and was able to just go to sleep without H home without being scared. Usually the in-between place with teen leads to scary self-abusive stuff, and this was so different.

Anyhow, yay. Just wanted to share