Im slowly slipping into self destructive mode. This happens around the same time every year. Its weird. I hate it. When im in this mode i do alot of silly things and i dont care about the consequences. Im trying my hardest to fight my stupid and impulsive urges but it doesnt look good. M home alone with my son at the moment which is good because i cant go anywhere or do anything but i feel like im going insane i need to get out of the house. Ah i dont know what to do. I dont want to do silly things but it wont be long before my mind starts telling me what im doing is ok theres nothing to worry about. Its like the devil is sitting on my shoulder saying do it do it DO IT!! Ahh i need a gun so i can shoot myself!