I did indeedy and I know it!

See... Them buying her a flat and everything for it... Qhen you really think about it, or *just* think about it, is them kicking her out in a nicer, more gentle way than they did with me. Clever of them, eh? Heh. They can't get past me with their tricks. I know that one day, Bryony will be left completely on her own and just will not know what to do! She'll come running to me, in tears most likely and say "Kirst, I'm sorry I hurt you, I never meant any of it I was just angry and I didn't understand bnlah blah blah.... Can you help me?"

Now... I'd be tempted to say, stuff that I won't forgvie you for what you did to me, but it's just not who I am. I'd be more likely to help her, but somehow find ways of being tough on her, find ways to keep her apologising for a while, so that I know she really means it and I guess to make sure that she's not just going to run off afterwards and be nasty again.

I don't even trust my own sister and her actions. That's awful and I feel horrid for that... But she's made her bed so she's gotta lie in it now. If she doesn't like it, tough. She's gotta change it and it's going to take more than just a sorry to change it. I'm not a pushover anymore, not like she thinks I am.

The only problem with all of this is that the pains are just getting worse and worse... I went to the drs today and had a thorough checkup and such, BP's a bit high because of last night and stressing over it, temperature was a little bit high too :-/
I went to the drs this morning, though and had a thorough checkup. After really hurting my chest the dr said that it seems that from having panic attacks and hyperventilating lots, I have damaged the muscles around my lungs and ribs, which has caused me a great deal of pain. Ouch.

So.. I'm not allowed to laugh if I can help it because that hurts, not allowed to do any strenuous work, like lifting, pushing, pulling, running around like a headless chicken and I'm not allowed to do too much worrying if I can help it because that escalates the problem! Dammit. That's going to be very difficult But I guess... It's come to being in considerable amounts of pain for me to stop worrying so much about others and more about myself. I wonder if it'll actually work this time...?

I guess we'll see. I feel really sick and achey and just... Blergh. I'm tired.