Mixed_Up, my H had keys to the house for a long, long time after he moved out. At one point, the divorce proceedings became very contentious and something happened that made me not trust H worth a dime. So I called up a locksmith late one night, and a guy came out and changed all my locks on the spot. It really gave me a lot of peace of mind. Can you change your locks? If you do, I think that you should tell your H before he arrives at the door and finds his key does not work anymore. That might really set him off. You can find a non-contentious way to tell him. My H had 3 guns and I was very scared of them. When we still lived together we used to go out and about with him carrying his gun concealed sometimes (he had a permit). I asked him if he would tell me when he was carrying it because I wanted to know (basically not to walk in front of him with my back turned, I was that scared). But he refused and said I didn't need to know. He would carry it when he wanted and there was no reason to tell me. Freaked me out. My T did say to me at one point, "does he know you are seeing me? does he know my name?" so I know T was thinking about his own safety, and I am sure your T is worried about that too. Therapy can be a dangerous profession because of the clientele.

But you do have a lawyer, don't you, even if she's not involved in this particular issue? If not, please get a lawyer! Your H doesn't have to know that you have a lawyer, and the lawyer can advise on what to do next, offer options, etc. They have lots of experience with unstable spouses and how to handle situations like this both legally and otherwise (how to de-escalate situations). I think your fear about taking legal action to restrict access to your house (restraining order) is well-founded.

I do wish you were still in couples therapy with your H so you and your T could get a better read on all of this (keep your enemies close) and he could perhaps do some pre-emptory work and help assess risk.

I'd like to recommend a book I found very useful when going through this own intense phase in my own D. It's called, "The Gift of Fear: and other survival signals that protect us from violence", by Gavin De Becker:
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavi...2402964&sr=1-1

This book helps you assess your risk in situations like yours, and also has advice and statistics on the outcomes of various strategies to deal with these problems and people. The outcome of getting a restraining order is more often bad than good. More women suffer violence as a consequence of that action than are protected. This is a really good book. Please read it.

It is your safety that matters. You should have a safety plan--who to call, where to go, your L's home number, etc. Your T should be able to help you with that. I always kept a bag packed for me and my kids in the trunk of my car, as well as a set of computer back-up disks, address book, and an envelope of cash. I also had a post office box for private correspondence with my L and others. I also had binders of financial information I kept in my trunk, as these would be critical for access to money and in the divorce. If possible, assemble a binder of key financial and other information and give it to your L, if you haven't already.

Be safe!