Hi Friends,

Its been harder lately dealing with my PTSD. See I found out that my brother, who molested me when I was 11, and very sick and hopefully dieing a very long painful illness of cancer. Sorry cant help it, thats how I feel about it....a part of me is evil. But ever since I found out, the flashbacks and memories have been much more frequent, especially at night. I can smell it, taste it, Im even gagging and choking I get that feeling like I cant get a breath when nothing is really preventing it except in my head. Im not sleeping well with these memories I guess thats to be expected. But I would like to get past the actual feelings and be numb to it be able to let it cross my mind and go away. I am trying to focus on his illness as like my revenge finally hoping that will help with the memories. He is finally getting his. I suppose I shouldnt be quite so satisfied.....

Sincerely,

Roxy

P.S. Let me know if you think I being to evil in my thoughts