
May 15, 2009, 01:03 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2003
Location: Coram Deo
Posts: 35,474
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((((Roxy))) You surely are being triggered terribly, aren't you? I wonder if you would consider writing your brother and telling him how his molesting you has affected you all these years? You wouldn't have to go into great detail, even just writing, "What you did to me totally negatively changed my life." I wouldn't give anything that he could deny or rebuff, as that wouldn't help you.
You wouldn't even have to mail the letter; just writing it could be very cathartic. I think now might be a good time to push this, since you are already highly triggered, it will give validation to your thoughts and feelings with which you are currently suffering.
Also, since time is "short" or at least you sense a closure with his life's end, it will remove the angst that you may be experiencing in debating "should I" "shouldn't I" say something to him before he dies.
You'll have it written, and then you can decide whether to mail it or not.
Now, you are not evil. The thoughts you have towards him are human and normal. Having such thoughts doesn't make you evil. 
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