I need help with agitation. In the past i have been dx with agitated depression. Generally when i am depressed although i am in excruciating pain, i can hide it from other people and 'function'. However when i am agitated i find it very difficult to conceal it. I have had this agitation (on and off) for about 5 yrs and it has in the past caused me some hassle. I desperately do not want the same reputation i had at uni at my new work! But people are already starting to make remarks about it and i find it really embarrassing!

The difficulty is that when i'm agitated i become implusive, restless and irritating. I've been trying to figure out what triggers the agitation (in order to try and control it) and i feel it may be due to overstimulation e.g. too many people talking, busy places etc. I'm not sure why at some points i'm more affected by this than others but i'm wondering if maybe the neurons/neurotransmitters in my brain are firing wrongly. I have dyslexia - perhaps that could be a cause?

This is what i mean when i say i become agitated:

I feel as though i'm a coil just before it is released. The tension in my body is immense. This usually comes out as me fidgiting e.g. tapping my feet, moving constantly. I can be very irritable and get annoyed at the slightest things. Little things such as someone doing something a different way from how i would do it makes me really annoyed and i almost want to go up to them and shake them and ask 'why, why, why??'. My mind feels like it is whirling. I find other people very irritating because everything they do or say, i feel as if there is a neon sign flashing 'shut up...boring!!'. I feel as though noone can do/say anything to to fill up my brain. To others i either seem irritating or bubbly (although i have a feeling this is my friends putting it nicely to make me feel better!). I really hate being agitated because it makes me feel really on edge and i do/say things i don't want to. It is as though if something pops into my head i HAVE to say it, even if i know it is not a good/nice thing to say, otherwise it will spin round my head constantly.

It makes my senses go into hyper-drive. Everything i say or do, or anything anyone else says or does feels 10x bigger than normal. I feel brash and loud but i'm not sure if i really am. I get fixated on trivial things, e.g visually i seem to notice tiny details but they seem much bigger than normal and almost seem to be jumping at me and jeering. Obviously i know they are not, but this is what it feels like when i'm agitated.

I feel as though my brain is mis-firing millions of times a second. I don't mean to say i'm thinking lots, i'm not a particually anxious person (i don't have lots of negative thoughts etc), i actually feel my head is blank but my brain is still firing away. It creates a white noise in my brain, and i know this is due to the neurotransmitters mis-firing and not an auditory process. I don't hear the noise.

At its worst agitation can cause me to 'fly away' which is my way of saying i dissociate. There is too much sensory imput and my brain just cannot cope and i zone out. From the little i know about adhd i'd say i had that at times, but i know i don't because i was never like this as a child. Plus there are periods inbetween the depression and agitation when i can focus very well, its just these times are limited somewhat!

I really hate the agitation, it causes me discomfort and embarrassment. Does anyone else get like this? What do you do to reduce it? I'm not on any meds at the moment but I've been told that fish oil can help reduce the neurotransmitters firings.