Electronic forums can be frustrating, but one nice thing about them is developing a mental image of the posters based primarily on what they write and how they relate to other posters.
My mental "Berries," admittedly based on tiny bits of information, does not "suck." I know, however, that being disgusted with oneself is frequently a part of depression. I greatly disapprove of myself, to the extent my meds will allow.
Berries, when you're feeling bad about yourself, try to remember (much easier said than done) we here in PC cyberspace have a much cheerier image of who you are.
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My dog

mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.