I think it's amazing you still want to have a session where you reveal intensely personal and traumatic things when you are feeling so angry at him. I hope you won't do the SA work until you get your rupture cleared up, because revealing these things in anything short of a safe place may not give you the relief you seek and could make you feel worse. I hope you get a call back from your T and are able to work through this. You could also share with him your feelings about not wanting to pay to discuss this topic. Maybe he would have a solution for that.
Good luck.
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships."
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