Although "true" or not remains to be seen (with no guarantee that we actually will get to see), you're right that I didn't actually know that, but didn't make it quite clear that I didn't. I jumped to the conclusion that he could somehow have guessed then that you might be calling him a criminal now, and bailed out to escape it. I apologize for letting my own bias get in the way.

I have no way of knowing whether he found any or all of his time with you fun or not. On the other hand if he -- or anyone -- had only been "using" you for "fun" as you describe, I don't see how he could have found that very satisfying in the long run. I do see a difference there; if you didn't, I'm not sure right now how else I'd go about drawing the distinction.

I know you feel, from where you find yourself right now, that you'd like a memory wipe-out. It's been a while since I last wished for one myself. I've known other people (you probably have, too) who've felt that way and have turned to alcohol or drugs for just that purpose. You may also have noticed how well (or not) that turned out to work for them.

One drawback that I can readily imagine for a memory wipe-out is that you wouldn't have learned anything from your experience and there'd be nothing to prevent you from doing it the same way all over again.

It sounds as though you've answered your original question. Whether the rest of us agree or disagree with your answer, probably won't make much difference. It doesn't sound to me as if you're quite done with this subject, though...
As Tishie said a day or so ago, "This is a SUPPORT site." What kind of support do you suppose would work for you?

If someone were to ask me that same question, I'd probably ask back, "What have you got?" I'm still pretty new here and a long, long way from knowing all the different kinds of support there might be, but here's how I'm picturing it: you tell us which way you want to go, and we tell you if we've ever been that way ourselves, what it was like, what seemed to work for us, what didn't, and whether the way you say you're going looks like the way that we went, or not. I think we already did one short round of that, above, with the memory wipe, unless someone else has something to add.

Before I finish, I did want to mention one kind of "support" (well, something that sometimes passes for support) that I don't think works at all. Years ago, Eric Berne wrote a book called Games People Play in which he described a game he called "Why Don't You...? Yes, But". The person who's "it" describes a problem they're having and asks the others for advice. Everyone in turn suggests something: "Why don't you...?" To each suggestion, the one who's "it" answers, "Yes, but..." and goes on to say why the suggestion wouldn't work for them. I think the game was supposed to continue until everyone gave up in frustration, but maybe the last person left was the winner. Anyway, my suggestion is, let's not play that.