((griffe))) i can relate to how you are feeling, i had such anger and resentment towards others for the longest time and missed that deep inner connection to those around me too.. it was a mixture of love and hate sending me into spirals each day with no words to express what i was feeling and when i used anger i was pushing myself further and further away from the thing i really wanted most, more kindness, more connection... what you are feeling is very powerful and painful and i empathise with you for what you are going thru... you have to feel all you are feeling so you can get to the next highest place in your journey and there is no doubt it is confusing but if you let pain and hate become your ruler you will never reach that place of love you are seeking for... try not to fcus only on the wrongs and try to remind yourself of the rights around you, even tho they seem few at times... it is hard to see the good around us when media only portrays the negative... it is in the power of you to see the good around you, even if it is only in natures beauty at times right now... you can believe there are kind and caring people in the mix, as so many here at PC prove each day... it takes time to believe Griffe, but it is true... you can be stronger than the monsters of your imagination and become one of the ones who exhibit the good qualities of being a human... when i was most down i eventually realized i had to become within my own self what i felt was missing most outside of me.. when you can do that you will manifest for yourself those things you desire most because it is an inner need which you yourself have the most ability to control and manage.. be the thing you desire most in life and it will never elude you again.. if it is kindness and caring you desire, become kind and caring... best wishes always struggling one