A few weeks ago I had made a post about my current job situation. I emailed them with ADA guidelines and they have asked me to get a letter from my therapist and psychiatrist.

Anyway, basically since being off from work I have been feeling a sense of freedom. Its been nice. I feel like one of the big anxiety sources in my life has been put on the back burner pending the documents from my T and PDoc.

Well on Thursday I got a wild hair up my butt and decided I was gonna put an end to the madness once and for all and email my job and tell them that I wasnt coming back at all. Well my email didnt exactly come across saying I wasnt coming back, it was more me venting my feelings about how I was overworked, working 45-50 work weeks and doing the job of 2 ppl and getting no appreciation or thanks for the job I had been doing for years. I guess the email was pretty harsh but at the same time, I needed to say these things so they understand that they have been putting my under so much stress and causing me a tremendous amount of anxiety. Well my boss called me on Friday and left a message for me to call her back. I also received an email from the Director of Human Resources that states that I am still considered an "active" employee until they receive the recomendations from my T and Pdoc. WTH. I cant even quit right. So I called my boss back on Friday and left a message that I received her message and to call me back.
She called me twice today. I called her back and she said that I needed to look for other Clinicians to handle my care because my current T and Pdoc arnt doing it for me. I mean Who the hell is she to say those things. She said that perhaps I need in patient care. I was like WHY? She said to get your sleep problems under control. I told her that can be handled at home not inpatient. Besides the fact that I have 3 children and a household to run. She also tells me that they have no part time positions and that if they were to create something for me then that leaves them wide open for others to asked for accomadations also and it might cause a big up roar. This pisses me off not too mention, I am under enough stress and to hear this from her is causing me more anxiety. SHEEEEESH. I dont want to explain to her the in and outs of my mental illness and shouldnt have too. I only need to keep the Human Resources Director informed and she can advise my boss. I already embarressed enough.

I talked to my T about it today. I feel unresolved about it and torn. A big part of me know that this job is causing me so much stress and anxiety that its not good for me. The other part of me thinks that I have been there so long that I know the job and I am comfortable with my ability to perform it but lately I havent even been able to do that. I need a break. A break from being so structured in my own life. Since I was 21 I have raised my 2 oldest children alone but working as much as I could with out the help of my ex husband. I remarried and had my son. even then though, I still was the "bread winner". I had to work a full time job plus overtime to make sure the mortgage, cable, gas, phone, electric, car payments, insurance, cell phones and every other bill that needs to be paid was paid. I have always been on time with all my bills and now, I feel like I need a break. I'm tired and I just need a break.

I feel like I'm all over the place and that I cant figure out what I need to do cause I am confused.

Im angry and Im rambling. Sorry