hi mc, i've read some of your other posts. i'm glad you are asking these questions. it takes time to get the right meds and doses so do try to not get discouraged. i encourage you to discuss about your using your pills to self medicate with your pdoc. your therapist and pdoc need to know the truths about what's going on with you for you to be treated properly. mood swings, etc can be created by self medicating and give false results also. so be up front with them so they can truly help you.
just me, but i think they need to get your meds somewhat right and you not self medicating before you go digging into stuff frojm the past. this is just my opinion however. you are still fragile as heck. give yourself the best shot you can by opening up to your pdoc and t.
hope you will let us know how your doc visit goes and please keep us posted. we care about you.