I always have been told that it is almost impossible to process trauma correctly in the middle of a mood episode. The meds have to help you into a balanced state before you can deal with the trauma.

I know it's so hard...you just want the pain to go away. Be a thorn in the side of the pdoc until they find the meds that work for you. If the pdoc thinks a med is making you manic...they need to get you off of it, not let it go another month! Being completely honest about what you have been doing is essential. I had to admit to my NP that I had been using Percoset to deal with the Lamictal headaches...even though I knew it would send me hypomanic. That was really hard. I couldn't even hide it because both she and I KNOW when I am in that state before I even open my mouth. It's tempting to just take more Percoset or pop some Zoloft to switch out of this nasty depression. Just wanted to let you know that I will never judge you for self medicating...as I have done it myself...

I have been thinking about you...keep us updated. You can do it, you can do it.