Years of psychotherapy and I think I have been misdiagnosed. I know borderlines have some dissociative stuff, but this seems too intense. I was diagnosed first with depression, then borderline personality disorder, then they said i might have ptsd and gave me meds for that. But they finally decided shizoaffective, and everyone just kept that. But there is too much happening.
I am scared. I feel like i am watching someone else in control and screaming for someone to help me get back into my body. I think something really bad happened when i was a kid. I am scared of what i think it is. I have been going into a rage for no reason. It is not like me. I have never been an angry person. I have been talking in different accents. I never even noticed until recently. Then it occurs to me all of the places people would ask me if i was from. They would say they loved my accent and asked what part of the south i was from. Or from london. I am thinking this might be my memory issues as well. Now that I am married I notice a lot of the day will go missing. I got in a fight with hubby and he told me what happened during the day. I couldn't remember most of it.
I am scared. I think i was hurt so bad as a kid that even these aspects like to hide. It is only my hubby showing me kindness that i think allows this freedom of all of these aspects. I do have therapy next week. I am scared. Very scared.
I know with this being misdiagnosed is common. I know that at one time i had drawn a picture of me as split in two. One half was like a fairytale princess and one half was like a gothic person would dress. And at one time I decided that god must've filled me with 7 souls because he didn't have enough bodies.
I recently had many tramatic things happen, so maybe this is a good time to see. I am scared. I will have to check this more to see whats safe to write. I just want to hold my bunny now
jennifer