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we are so sad. sarah is getting married. we are happy for her, although the whole marriage thing is crazy-making for us as a multiple. all the things people do to get married these days is a bit much for us. social experiences tend to scare the heck out of us. our life's ambition used to be to become a hermit!
when the whirl of activity is over and she is married and gone on her honeymoon we will go home and the house will be oh so quiet and still. phil will plunge back into his ceaseless round of activity which is his way of avoiding having a life and we will be here alone and trying to find a way to live now that we are not needed very much any more.
our daughters do love us and we love them, they were the ONE thing we knew for sure we still wanted to do in life after the trainwreck of childhood. we have never been good at looking ahead and planning. our specialty was turning on a dime to survive and we were even better at keeping secrets even if it killed us. but we will be 56 when she gets married and we finally see there is a stretch of empty road in front of us, our heart aches and we do not know what we will be and do to fill the vast silence and empty space in our life from here on until death.
lost in space
one of the funny-weird things of being did is that i can write something that makes me feel so sad and a little voice inside will make a joke out of it. we try to explain midlife loneliness and how lost we feel and some joker signs it "lost in space" like this dorky sci/fi show we did not watch in the 60's. we can't seem to keep the same mood for more than 30 minutes these days. damn.
misplaced in space!
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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