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multipixie9 · 02:16 AM

walking on eggshells is horrible, i am sorry that you had to do that. you deserved more and better than what you got. a child should be heard and comforted when they are distressed. living in fear is so
tiring and miserable.

you have had such a lot of deaths to face, it sounds overwhelming just to read it, much less to live with it. my dad is my only immediate family member left. my mom and both brothers are dead - as far as i know. sadly, i do not miss them at all. i grieve not having family who meant something good. their loss is more benefit than pain.

i think i will stop here, i may have said too much.

leslie
added later:

we have been having to face some painful realities in our lives and it has been sad and lonely. my sleep is really far off base right now. i wandered over to another forum (won't mention where) and was confronted with the truth that tonight there are plenty of people in tougher spots than i am in. it reminded me that with all the pain and insecurity i face right now - SOME things in my life are better, some things are improved. i am grateful for the improvements and bits of healing that have come.

it is almost funny, but not, that i am near-sighted, far-sighted, have astigmatism and a focusing problem. what is funny is that emotionally i am kinda the same way. my vision of my life is cork-screwed too. i am impaired when i look at my life and things look so awful and dire when in reality things are just kinda tough right now. i've been in pain for so long now that both mind and body seem to get "stuck" and all i can see is pain. many symptoms of ptsd really have eased, i am not nearly as hypervigilant as i was a few years ago and i am not jumpy and agitated. some things are better and got better so gradually i almost didn't notice they'd improved. hmm...