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dear blue,
you asked "how do you stop it" and "how do they know". i have a friend who's uncle used him for sex until the uncle got married, never slept with him again and abandoned him to his neglectful parents. he told me, on his road to healing, how he could walk into certain places and immediately know who he could get involved in sex with. he explained or maybe i read it somewhere, people give off non-verbal signals that predators can read like a book.it may be how we stand or that we look down a lot, body language that tells perps we feel afraid or ashamed or desperate for some attention. those of us who were abused as small children were also programmed to feel helpless and to believe we could never escape and that "they could always get to us". i know because i was programmed so completely that many people "got" to me and harmed me in various ways.
Blue, i matter; you matter. i think maybe your real questions are: "should i go on"? "can i find the strength to go on"? "is there anything better out ahead of me in this world"? "will it EVER get better???!!!" i truly believe the answer to all these questions is YES. it is simple to say that and oh so hard to get there!
i think you have one thing better off than i did, you are dealing with all this horror starting when you are young. i split things off and hid them even from myself and didn't begin to deal until i was almost 30. i was much older and tireder than i hope you are now in your teens. the fact that you come here and speak out and seek support gives me hope for you. somewhere deep inside is a spark of life that refuses to be quenched. i would like to fan that spark and so do the others who encourage you here, like griffe and vince.
when YOU are ready, you will seek what you need. no one here can tell you what to do or how to do it. i did not want to spend so much of my life trying to get over my past, but that is better than NOT getting over the past and letting my enemies win. most of those who abused me are dead now and i am still here, broken but valuable. it took me a long time to realize that being victimized did not make me into a permanent victim. i am a survivor, a person with worth who can bring something good to life. they do not define me. God and i are the only ones who get to define me...EVER.
Leah
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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