Hi there,

I wanted to suggest Seasonal Affective Disorder, you know it doesn't just happen in the winter months, it can strike at any time and if you're experiencing this every year at the same time with no external triggers I would guess that's what it is, though I am no doctor.

I want to say too there are resources for you. The national suicide hotline is 1-800-suicide. You can call them 24-7 and talk about anything, you don't have to be suicidal to call.

You can also place yourself in protective custody, I.E. the mental health facility until the urges pass. While there they may be able to start you on some medication to help combat the thoughts. I found Luvox particularly helped me in that area. I want you to be proactive this year and do something before it gets worse. Before you start giving in to the thoughts. Because the thoughts can take over and before you know it you're killing yourself and you're not able to stop. This has happened to me. I attempted suicide while on auto-pilot from all the negative thoughts. It was horrifying and there was nothing I could do, it was like I was watching myself do it with no ability to stop.

So I urge you to take preventative steps to keep yourself safe and well this year. See a psychiatrist and talk to them about SAD and your symptoms. And PM me if you want my phone number to talk.

Love and Hugs,
Tara