Thanks Skydancer, Pdoc tried to do somthign similar with me but my mind kept putting in negatives - like

you are safe now - no im not there is no safe place

you are worthwhile - you only think that cos you dont know me

you are valued - no I am worthless

you are strong - weak and pathetic - so stupid i cant learn

last time he did this i listened and imagined and was in the moment - this time i could not be - he said that was ok - it just was where I was at the moment and things would settle - he said it is my conscious mind trying to protect me - by saying expect nothing and you will not be let down again... usually I can self soothe - tell my self things are ok - but I know they're not -.... sigh... see....

Bruce - thanks - no not sleeping much...... pill thingy good idea - I wrote on the box last night how many tablets in box and what the date was - its just disturbing to not know what you have done a few mintues ago.....

Fuzzybear - thanks for the Grrrr - Im more in a sigh..... at the moment!