I can absolutely relate to not knowing whether or not it's abuse....because of living it for so long. I spent many years making excuses for my husband's emotionally and mentally abusive behavior...and now the reality of it has smacked me in the face. Looking back, I can't believe I let him treat me that way for all those years - and why couldn't I see that it was abuse? It's just what I became used to...and even though I didn't like it, I guess I just accepted it.