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I want to know why I dissociate so much, (not in the personality way, in the depersonalization way and my other various ways) I want to know why I have these feelings, but every time I get even remotely close I'm too scared and in my mind run away.
I want my "alters" to talk, though I don't want then to talk to me. Which, is a problem because they are co-conscious and have to talk through me to begin with. Last time we were communicating it seemed control was lost and everyone walked away hurt. They forgive me, and want to start talking again but I can't forgive myself. I don't want to hurt them again, and I don't want to be hurt again by them as well. So I try not to talk. I know, it's not a good thing.
I just wish there was an easier way, but it looks like there isn't.
...Unless of course, these things are all just being made up by me to begin with...but that still leaves me very sad and in a way lonely that these aren't real if this is true.
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