I understand what you are saying, but why can't I accept it right now.

I got a sharp knife...and I used it ever so briefly on my arm....it felt good....Like the sober alcoholic taking that first drink in a looooong time.

I am in such a bad place emotionally right now.

I had group T last Tuesday...then an individual T on Thursday...then an 'emergency' T session on Saturday....and it's been one whole day since I've seen my T and THIS is what I'm doing and feeling?

The throbbing on my arm feels good. The physical pain is satisfying.

I need to tell myself that I will NOT cut. I need to STOP thinking these thoughts. Put them away until my next session. If I can't do it for me, then I at least have to do it for my daughter who NEEDS me and deserves to have the mom that she's had for the last 8 years. We have such a wonderful relationship. I need to hold onto that accomplishment.

I have group T on Tuesday, but I don't feel I can address this at that time. My next individual session is Thursday.