I struggle with the truth.......I am talking fundamental truth. Truth about myself, about the world, about where I fit in.

I am very honest when it comes to NOT lying but often struggle for the right words to express how I feel.....it is the only time that the English language fails me.

So when I do attempt to be honest here, when I cannot "feel" a persons reaction, I panic and withdraw. I have told things to people on here that I have not told anyone and I feel horribly exposed and I am not being paranoid, not this time. It is the nature of trust. I usually would not trust someone enough for at least 5 years before disclosing these things. I even struggle with my therapist.

I attempted this internet thing because it has always been my wish to be more trusting and take the risk. But now I question that......my information is public domain.......On the flip side, I have been given the honourable opportunity of meeting some amazing people on this website and I hope that what I have contributed has helped in some way and i would like to keep contributing.

But the amount that I disclose will be off limits from now on........it is too dangerous for me......technology makes me vulnerable. My past needs a soft pillow and longevity in order for it to be appreciated. I have moved on from it with leaps and bounds but it is too precious to be left to people who do not treasure my triumphs and failures as much as I do.......and how can anyone? No one owes me anything on here. It is a pseudo environment. I lack faith in this process.......

Sorry if I upset anyone, I am upset myself for reasons that are probably unfair........but I am upset nonetheless.

Cheers, Michah