((((Mixed up Emotions))) it was not your fault and you did not deserve to be beaten - you deserved to be loved in the right way and cared for and kept safe and made to feel worthwhile - you - YOU did not bring those things on - other people who were damaged did this to you but not because of you.

Know that we care - that we value you for being who you are - kind caring and funny, someone who we are happy to call friend

DOnt hurt yourself any more - the pain felt good cos it distracted you for a while - if you cant talk to T - and this will sound crazy - but then I am - when I am this far in the darkness I imagine talking to T - the kind caring T - (not the T i think I deserve to have but a kind caring non-judging one) and I imagine what T would say to me - or I imagine just curling up in his office (old T) or hers - (last T) and being safe - I love that word ...safe

so I will stop waffling on - know that we care about you - that we are here for you (even whenIm hiding!) and that you can and will get through this