everything feels so stuffed and out-of -control...has been for quite awhile now. we seem to have so much twirling around that i've shut down doing what needs to be done. maybe i can explain it better.... for about a year now i've been flooding and my t wants to get it all out but i dont want to hear it so i've used my many forms of distrations to not deal at all.

its all very hard for me to do the work from "the past" when i have to live in "the present." but the more i deter the more it all seeps out. now i cant seem to keep up with anything. our health is failing, our finances are sinking, we are isolating ourselves from more and more people, and what was once a manageable and working system is now flighty, unpridictable, and just a plain mess. i'm just not sure where to go from here or how go get motivated again to get going.

everything now feels very hopeless and useless and why keep going like this............