Thankyou everyone,

yes I have had a med change - I was on Avanza - which seemed to keep me sleepy all the time - now Im on cymbalta and the sleepiness has gone - I am still very tired cos I dont sleep much....

thankyou for saying I belong.....

I have tried to shut this down again - but when I lay in bed some body memories come back to me - every night! I have tried denying them - I have tried accepting them - but they keep re-occurring every night...
and I am more tired than ever cos I am not going to bed cos I am afraid of what I will feel...... wrote to old T to see if he would take me back - said he didnt have to reply if he couldnt and ... he didnt reply.... you get what you ask for and what you deserve sometimes.... I know its not - but it feels like someone else has abandoned me - I know thats wrong - but it feels like another person has confirmed how worhtless and ...... soiled I am ...

I wil ring about another T next week.. and start again.... maybe this time I will find one that won't leave... and that wont be disgusted when they see the real me .