Reading your post... thinking about that counselor idea... if the counselor is expert in divorce relationships then it would be a good thing. Neither you nor spouse would "get away" with playing the children as Ace cards, so to speak.

Yes, our home environment has much to do with the average selection for spouse...unless you have therapy first LOL I'm wondering why this aspect bothers you. Do you feel responsible for a poor choice, like you "knew" it was a bad idea or something? I assure you that revisiting the factors now can only help you in the future.

Can you ask the judge to interview the children (he really should do that anyway, imo.)