Hi Friends,

Today I find myself thinking of the abuse endured by my mother. I remember beginning to SI at that time, also I become a nervous child and began making up stories of my home life to others, cause they could never come in, I remember teachers asking why I was always crying and that I was to young so to so sad. But in those days it was common to get hit its just that my Mother often lost control and sometimes said terrible things to us. She was a very lonely and unhappy and depressed woman, I know that now but as a child I knew she just hated me. She would hit us for the littlest thing and yell like a wild woman, but she was also abused as a child so really she didnt know any different...Thats what I try and believe.
I swore to be different to my kids I didnt take out my unhappiness on them. If I caught myself yelling at them I tried to stop and wake away till I gained control of myself. I was far from perfect I smacked them from time to time but I always felt bad and told them so. I just tried to be better than my Mom had been. She always made me feel unwanted unloved and the cause of her unhappiness. I tried to be different with my children and I hope they are even better with their children.

Sincerely,

Roxy