I know what you mean about feeling bad about yourself if you go on disability, it affects some people and not others.

I'm bi-polar, I attended an artists studio/workshop for crazy people for several years, it was better than sitting(or lying in bed) at home, it helped me, it may have saved my life but it also made me feel cut off from the real world and inferior, it almost got to the point where I was asking the staff "what's this for?" "oh that's paint, you paint with it" because I felt like a helpless freak I became one, to an extent.

The thing is it was a stepping stone, it was far better than doing nothing or being self destructive but not as good as a normal healthy life.

I think you should see disability as a temporary stepping stone, a better place than where you were without it but not as good as where you're headed.

It's good you want to be healthy, best to have faith you will be, even if it may take time.