Update!

Well, I did go to that T appointment. I have decided to forgive her because I actually do like her.

She felt SOOO bad that the story scared me. She explained that she meant it as an example of someone whose most severe manic episode was drug induced....and that the person was able to deal with what happened...and is doing great at her career, has two kids, and lives her life just fine. My T was trying to inspire me, not scare me.

She says that when I am upset (I was freaking out about the loss of control during my hypomania) she really needs to spell out her reasons for doing things. Or else I will ascribe the worst intentions. I do that no matter which mood state I am in LOL. Might have to work on that in therapy. Oh wait a minute, I AM in therapy....

At the end of the session she indicated that I seemed depressed. I was thinking "NO **** SHERLOCK"...but I said "I wondered if you would call me on that". Sorry T...I have much experience being depressed and know exactly when it is happening. Of course maybe I would be happier if I didn't have such insight. It's weird, as soon as the Zoloft left my body, the depression came back. As soon as the Lamictal left my body, the depression came back. The problem is that most Bipolar drugs are really antimanics, not antidepressants. Very few drugs are mood stabilizing towards the bipolar depression side of things.

At least the Lithium is keeping the intrusive thoughts away this time. Basically it's doing an excellent job of keeping away the fun part of the disorder, and a half assed job of keeping the depression away. I had to drink WAY more coffee than usual to get the typical hyperactive, euphoric, talking too fast reaction I usually get. I wondered why my usual Starbucks has done nothing for me lately...LITHIUM, YOU SUCK!!!! I LIKE MY CAFFEINE INDUCED HYPOMANIA!!!! It always goes away when the caffeine wears off anyway.

LionKing, thanks for what you said about spouses. That did actually help me a lot. That and the cute little turtle with wings. Maybe I can think of the monster as a really cool giant snapping turtle that can eat up the people that really tick me off!!!!!

Got another appt on thursday...gotta address the worsening depression thang. I have had a taste of stable mood, and I want it back!