It took me a long time to grasp that I had lots of different agendas in my systems of alters. I had alters who had jobs that conflicted with each other's jobs. I had things I had to hide from the world and from myself. As a kid I had to shift, change, cope, dodge, hide, act, pretend and a bunch of other things at a moment's notice and because my life depended on it I got pretty good at it. Too good for my own future.

The older I got the less well all my tricks and shifts and acts worked and my stress got more and more and my health failed more and more and finally I couldn't hold my own life together.

So, i finally get a T who knows what is going on with me and we spend the next 14 years trying to undo, change, heal, un-learn, re-learn and much of what we need now is a threat to things as they were. It is so hard to do things different because what saved me as a kid failed me as an adult.

But, the more and more I can accept all the different parts of myself and help them get what they need the better we all are getting along and the better and more peaceful it gets. It's a long road and I have to keep doing what I have to do until we can get there. The only way out is through the middle.

leslie and pixies