I haven't cut in almost 6 mos....have been supporting a friend who cuts....and a dormant chain reaction is well in progress. Cuting....i REALLY hurt myself.....stitches...etc. and it means the door has been opened....deep severe depression...and a history of psych. wards for suic, OD's, schiz. breaks, absolute undoing of any desire to NOT self destruct. Two nights ago...first time in 6 mos...i went into a fugue....went alot farther than i thought would happen....and had a VERY severe med. situation going....NO hosp....NO help...to be honest....NOW...i'm really embracing EVERY old demon....curling up with my darkness...i have a psych. support team n case man.....they are on red alert....my C. man. SAW the aftermath of that night....so i'm being oh so careful about letting on what is REALLY going on....my autopilot has taken over....coming to a head with another total schiz/sanity breakdown.....the depression is SO bad....so i don't have to feel.....there is nothing that will avoid this familiar, and newly more aggressive, intense, and far more destructive series of events.....BUT....this is cutting forum.....i guess we all have to start somewhere eh? I'm scaring people who KNEW i cut.....So if there are any of you who are really jaded, and experienced......maybe you might have some insight for me.......maybe u see something i don't. THANKS.