((((((((((MixedupEmotions)))))))))

I hear your pain and guilt and shame. Your words resonate. I also was SA. i know how deep the self blame can go. I do not have the right words to say right now. Except to tell you that you were NOT to blame as a child. You are not bad, nor did you deserve to be beaten. I know these are only words, but i hope that one day you can believe this deep down in your heart. I am reaching out on PC to comfort you.