My old T tried to get me to address them - but I couldnt - but he was the one who got me to admit what had happened... he said you have to accept what happened and move on - I couldnt....

My last T - she talked about the feelings of shame and despair I feel in relation to the ...event .... she tried to cnvince me - make me see it wasnt my fault - I half believe her.... but the stain is still there - and these new memories? they are worse than what I remember - if they are real ... and if they are not.... what sort of a person imagines that...

and now I will have a new T ... and I wont know if I will trust them... I dont think i will be able to talk to T - any T about this...

today I was thinking that maybe I didnt come here by mistake... maybe its time to face this. It just brings out feelings of incredible sadness that I dont know if i can bear....

be safe, be well, be happy