Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
I thought about it tonight, had a good cry, then decided to accept that I didn't get the nurturing I wanted as a child. t can't give me what i missed back then. I have to take care of my own inner child's needs, no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts not to have those needs filled by t. I am done trying to get it from t or looking to anyone else to fill that hole inside.
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(((((((((((((((((peaches)))))))))))))))))))))))
I remember having this realization - it hurt a LOT. Somehow, though, just really accepting this - that what I wanted more than anything was to go back and redo the past, and that there was no way to to that - opened me up to accepting the nurturing that is there for me now, as an adult. I don't know if T changed after I had this realization, or if I changed, but now, I can feel the nurturing and love that he gives me. And I can feel that H loves me, something I never believed before. Letting love in is one of the hardest things for me, I've really never been able to do it. I think it was SO painful as a child to not be loved, that I put up these walls and wouldn't allow anything past them, even though love was what I wanted more than anything in the world.
Right now, I'm really sick with a flu or something....and I am taking care of myself, and it is okay. I've always refused to take care of myself. I think I felt like if no one else would love me or take care of me, I certainly wouldn't do it either, because I obviously didn't deserve it. And it didn't feel fair - why, WHY should I have to love and take care of MYSELF? But I've been making sure I eat nourishing foods when I can eat, and making sure I get enough rest, and just letting myself be sick. I'm taking care of me like I would take care of my kids.
I hope that "surrendering" leads you to a new place of healing and light. I really do believe the quote in my signature. Sometimes it has to get really dark before we can begin to see the beautiful stars that were there all along.
