Yeah, I am going back in about an hour. I have been nervous about it all week. I don't know if my mood would have changed anyway, but I feel like I am heading down since that appointment.

I have been sleeping on average for two hours and then waking up for a while and falling asleep for two more hours.

Last night I had a messed up and disturbing dream (I haven't remembered a dream in a long time) and I was compelled to run downstairs and grab some paper and a pen so I could write it out.

I will begin my journey on meds in the middle of June. I don't like that I have had to wait so long to get in to see a p-doc. I feel like I have had at least three or four swings since January. Not fun.

Anyway, I think part of my reaction is that I don't want to lose control of the facade I put up in daily life just to get through, you know? I have to take care of the kids, do my job etc. My husband is getting into trouble at work because he is worried about me and feels like if I ask for anything at all, he better leave work and take care of it for me. I have decided that I can't ask him for anything any more. (I just found out that he feels this way, but it has been going on for a long time) He won't share his concerns with me because he is afraid he will send me into an episode. I told him that my brain chemistry controls my episodic behavior, not his sharing stress with me.

I guess I have a lot to talk about at my session. I joked to my T that we should schedule 6 hour sessions. I could probably fill them up.