Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Oh, Peaches 
You know I struggle with the same thing, and that's why I am having such a hard time leaving my T. It's like she "shattered my dreams." Is that the way you feel too?
It's such a difficult realization, and it is SO painful, but I think we have to accept it before we can move on. I can't tell if you are bitter, though, or angry with your T. I am angry with mine for not being albe to fill that hole, but I understand that she can't. Your T is there for you, allowing you to attach to her, but I know she wants you to be able to become independent and meet a lot of those needs yourself. We only have ourselves; we can't rely on anyone else.
treehouse and Luce: Your responses helped me too.
mouse: Can you (Peaches, hope I'm not hijacking your thread) say who can fill the hole? Do you mean spouse and friends? How can you get what you never received? |
I don't think theres a time limit on love, love just is. For me its like there was a part that was prevented from growing up, because it was stuck in limbo waiting for the natural time line of development, the nuturing mother to the new born amongst other things. This part has in its grief fantasised that it was getting what it needed, but in doing this it was unable to differiencate from what is love and what isn't...hence in my other thread the way I took to stalking and imagining and stuff...could this hole be filled by spouse and children? Well to begin with no, not exactly because the relationship with spouse is a mutual one of giving and taking and this part that has lived in limbo wasn't capable of really giving...not in any real adult sense, it needed someone who was not needing any return, but someone that could devote to "it" like a mother to the newborn, and thats where T comes in..the relationship with her has been entirely about my needs...over the 5plus yrs with her that part stuck in limbo has recreated situations with her to enable further growth, to get past the stuckness and now that this is finally happening in a real way, I am now able to see and know those others in my life that have love to give me, ie, my hubby..because that part that was stuck in limbo has become unfrozen....I never thought the past could be "fixed", believe me I was one sick puppy...but as I get what I needed so bad back in the past, the past becomes much less painful and almost dare I say, irrelavant now, because all we have is now and now is where I am getting my needs met..its unresolved grief that keeps us stuck the past, stuck the pain...but one must have someone that has something to give..qulifications alone do not make a therapist...the humanbeing in the therapist is what matters the most...