I just got back from my 2nd pdoc appt. It was useless. I have lost all faith in the NHS system.

I do not feel drs ever listen. They take copious amounts of notes but never actually listen!

I was told there was 2 concepts/ways of dealing with the difficulties i have, the first was the psychiatric model which is a combination of meds and therapy and the second is simply just therapy. To me that is not 2 models, just simply one with a 2 prong approach and the other single!!

I expressed dismay in his 'diagnosis' and treatment plan because i don't think he gets that i get angry and agitated as well as plain depressed. And i'm not about to take an AD just because that is the model of treatment they use! I've done that before, i'm not neive enough to think that is the answer. I wouldn't mind so much if he said it was a process of finding the right med/combo of meds but i got the feeling he was fobbing me off again with ADs.

I'm an angry person. Do they not listen to me when i say i am self-destructive and will take more than i should if i feel like it?

Besides why can't they actually recommend a treatment for me personally instead of telling me about two abstract concepts and letting me decide? I don't mind discussing it with him, but i need to know what he would recommend based on all her heard. I don't care about the theory - i just want to get better!!

Why do they feel they can say just because i express real concerns about 3 previous ADs not working in the past that it is okay just to skip them then and go onto the 2nd model and just do therapy. Do they think i am actually strong enough to cope, even though i tell them my life is beyond stagment at the moment, and i'm very self destructive at the best of times? Does he actually think i have the stamina to wait another 8 month on the waiting list?!

Why do they not listen that i'm not new to this, i'm not going to be taken in and not question anything they say like i did when i was younger. I'm not going to take the first thing they suggest, i've been down that road before so i want to discuss any meds i take or any step i take before i say i'll give it a try.

Why can't they understand my anger stops me from believing he gives a d*mn.

Why is it made to feel like this depression, this anger, this agitation is my fault, that i've learnt life skills wrong and that is the reason i'm depressed and out of control. That i'm flawed in dealing with my emotions??!

Do people not hear that i'm an angry person and i can become out of control? Am i so articulate they believe i'm somehow immune to making stupid decisions?

What a waste of my time! He made another appt because i became so angry and refused any treatment by that time from HIM! Time for me and him to think things over.

Yeh right. I only made that appt because my parents were in the room and urged me too.

The worst thing is that i barely cope as it is and he's triggered me so much.