I tend to agree with treehouse. My first T did give me some of what I missed out on, and it made a huge difference in my life.

I just don't think it's so black and white. I feel kinda sad when people say they have to learn how to fill themselves up, alone. Yes, no one person can fill you up but to take care of your own needs doesn't mean you are doing it alone. In alot of ways my T is part of how i am able to fill myself up, as are many other people in my life. It's not some magic thing they do to me, it is part of having caring relationships. My T cares a lot about me, and that "fills me up" to a certain extent.

I can understand peaches that you are surrendering, but are you sure that maybe you are looking at it as either you get it all from t or you don't get anything at all? You said your T was willing to hug you, and you didn't accept it. Are you sure that you weren't jumping to the conclusion that she didn't really want to give it? Perhaps she was hesitant because you seemed ambivalent about it. Didn't you say she got mixed messages from you? Are you sure you weren't afraid to accept it?

I have my own difficulties with physical touch, and want a hug from T but am afraid to ask. I plan to ask next session. It's scary. She said she would hug me and I know she was saying that sincerely to express her joy about my graduation. She has invested in me like no other. Of course she cares, and it feels good. It's also scary for me because I am afraid i won't want to let go. But I will.

I think it's healthy to accept reality, but just make sure you know what reality is. Reality is your T cares very much about you, has been there for you.