I"m getting scared, and worried, I wasn't sure where to put this, but since it relates to my s.a. abuse I figured here would be the best

I"m terrified to go to the doctor Tuesday, it's my first "woman check" ever I know I"m going to be triggered and I might switch (which would be incredibly bad) or I might float off to lala land.

I asked my mom to go with me for support*insert foot into mouth here* and now I want to ask her to not got, for fear of what might be said or what might happen. I don't want her finding out about the abuse through the mouth of my little or through me being well dissociated and running on auto pilot.

I have another fear and well concern, and I feel so silly for even thinking of it, or well considering it as a theory.
I've always had problems down there and with being regular, it's not something that is common with the women in my family, and I don't have any medical conditions that would cause this nor do I take medicine that would cause that either.
My fear is because of the abuse I suffered and because he did rape me as a child..is that when the doctor looks there she will be able to tell and that it is the reason behind these issues. I don't know if that is even something that could really happen or not, but I don't know what to do

I"m scared, this is bringing up a lot of fear for me, I don't know what to do, I really don't

Somebody help me....