When I feel not hurting my self physically destroys me more mentally than what hurting my self physically does, should I just hurt my self? It will turn into a scar or just a mark anyway.. While the scar inside destroys me more and more.. It's not much holding me back from not doing it anymore..

It's now over 1.5 years since last time.. I've been doing good, but thinking about it all the time.. Now it's not much left..

Does anyone feel the same as me? What should I do..