ok so I made an appt with a new T today - was very nervous - made call took first appt with first T available - figured let fate sort it out - T that my T had recommended has left so what the heck! - anxiety left and I felt numb... thats ok - I can do numb....

then rebound!!!! on the edge of being out of control - wanting to be self destructive -do somthing crazy and self destructive .... dunno - memories of SA and SI urges pushing me over the edge I guess .... but holding out - did enough damage the other day to leave enough shame behind...... so holding out.... just wish it wasnt like this - I hate the rebound from when I do/have a good thing - logging off - going to get busy busy busy .....holding out - holding on ... not giving in

take care all

be safe be well be happy